S 4 EP 1: Tackling Bullying in School Programs: Communication and Connection Strategies feat. Nathan Houston

J. Lee: 0:11

Hello, hello everyone, welcome to school after hours podcast, where we talk about all things related to out of school time programming and education. I am your host, jaylee, and welcome to our first episode of the fourth season. So in this episode, we're going to be talking about how to handle intensive conversations with parents when their child expresses they are being bullied at your site. Yes, I know that's a very serious conversation. To help us have this discussion, we have a returning guest who is a bully prevention coordinator, entrepreneur, out of school town space motivational speaker. The list goes on and on and on. Our guest today is Mr Nathan Houston. Hashtag Mr. I am impact, but before we get into our conversation today, I have a little disclaimer I got to share with you. So, as we're editing the show, we noticed that there are some problems with the sound. We went ahead and tried to shake it the best that we could, but the good thing is, the conversation is great. So the longer you listen, you don't even notice what's going on in the background. Well, with that being said, let's go ahead and jump into the show. Hello, how are you?

Nathan: 1:22

I am amazing. And how are you?

J. Lee: 1:24

I'm doing pretty good. Well, for those that may not know you, Nathan, go ahead and introduce yourself and give them some background information about you.

Nathan: 1:32

Absolutely. My name is Nathan Houston and I am the founder and CEO of I am impact, the nonprofit organization that focuses on social, emotional learning and restorative justice, and we also provide keynote speeches as well. In addition to that, a little background about me born in San Francisco, california, raising South Sacramento, california, I started off as a participant in the afterschool program, from a participant to frontline staff, frontline staff to a site coordinator. I'm a coordinator to a director, the director of professional development for our organization called Center for Fathers and Families, where I spent 18 years of my life, which is a long time, but 18 years there working and giving back into various communities here in Sacramento. But so I'm excited to be here on this podcast. Let's get it.

J. Lee: 2:20

Awesome, so glad to have you back. So, in this conversation, I want us to go ahead and jump to community corner. To go ahead and get us started. Community corner is a segment of the show that allows guests on myself to share tips, advice or information on a specific topic with young people, families or community members. Without further ado, let's go ahead and get into our community corner conversation. So, nathan, here's my community corner question for you. What are some important questions for a parent to ask when their child experiences bullying at a program?

Nathan: 3:02

I think there are a couple things. I think one asking the school is there a policy on bullying? Because we know face off of the city state location of the program, there may be different policies and procedures as to how young people deal with bullying. I know specifically when I was trained in Oveas Oveas is a bullying convention curriculum when we went through our certification process, one of the things that they shared was that some states may have a law regarding bullying, and so it's important to make sure that school districts or individuals do their diligence when it comes to defining bullying and what that may look like. And so one I would be asking you know is there a policy on bullying within the school district?

J. Lee: 3:54

Awesome, and how does that translate into after school time programming? So what would the follow-up be for that parent? Okay, I told you this is the issue, right, you told me this is how it could be handled. But on the back end, how am I going to follow up to make sure that what was said and what was discussed is actually done?

Nathan: 4:15

Absolutely. I think it's important for us to understand and deal with people's babies, and as a parent myself, I do want to know what has happened. If somebody tells me, if my baby is coming to me and saying I'm being bullied at school, I want to know what's going to be done. What's going to be done about the situation, who was involved? What's the phone number? Who do I contact? And so I think those are a couple things is like making sure that one thing that I realized at our old school site it may be a psychologist or a counselor or a social worker or a restorative justice coordinator, and there's different folks that they may put in position to deal with these scenarios right, specifically at the school site, because we know that principals are busy, so it may be a role of one of the supporting staff to oversee the any type of bullying experience. And so I would be asking, as a parent, who do I follow up with right? Is there a specific liaison within the school? I know that some school districts will also have maybe a person who's at the district level who will come out to the school site to address any type of bullying that may be taking place on the campus. So that would be one of the things one just asking who's in charge, who do I follow up with, right? And then will there be any type of follow up conversation on the behalf of the school district to make sure that my young person is safe? Right, because I'm sitting my child to get the education not to be bullied? I would say, in addition to that too, thinking about, is there what is the connection between the after school space and the daytime? Because I know sometimes there's a disconnect. So I would ask like this the after school program have a good relationship with the school day? I know that as a previous site coordinator, my role was to make sure that our after school program and our day program were together right, that there was alignment in our activities and our behavior, and so, making sure that I would ask that question as a parent does your after school coordinator director speak to the school day? Right? You have a good relationship there. So absolutely.

J. Lee: 6:18

Yep, yep. All right. So that wraps up our community corner. We're going to go ahead and transition into our interview questions. So once again, nathan, thank you for being on the show.

Nathan: 6:33

Absolutely.

J. Lee: 6:36

So let's go ahead and start this conversation and usually, like how this conversation happened. Let me give you some background information. How this conversation happened is that I was actually scrolling on Instagram and I saw a post from someone that I follow on social media, and they were expressing their concern as far as their child being picked on at a camp, at a program that they're participating in, right. So what was expressed from the parent was the very, you know, mother bear. I feel like that's where it came from, like who's doing my child wrong? We need to have a conversation. What is going on? Is there anyone watching the children? You know, all that energy, right, right, all that energy, and I was like so this is a conversation that I really feel like we need to have in the sense of you know, as a staff member, how do you interact with someone that is bringing you that type of energy? You know, like, how do we continue to keep the lines of communication open so we can get down to the actual issue, how we can go ahead and work together collaboratively as a team, because you are entrusting me with your child, but also keeping in mind that I am a whole human being. Let's try to have a decent conversation. So we're not getting to the space where we're being disrespectful and I feel like sometimes we teeter that line, especially when you know not just children are involved but high emotions are involved at the same time. So, as staff members, as directors, you know, even as upward management, like, how do you begin to deal and have productive conversations around this specific topic of you know, conflict with parents concerning children that may be experiencing bullying, right, but also, what can you put in place at your site to have conversations not just with the parents but also with the children at the same time, of what is and what is not acceptable?

Nathan: 8:36

So that's the T Absolutely. I love it. I love it. Let's get into it.

J. Lee: 8:40

So that is the T. So, nathan, my question for you is when experiencing this type of energy and I wish they had to clip the penny for everybody, but you know, you could imagine what are some of the do's and don'ts to have in that conversation. Like the parents come into you, they, you know, giving you the business, giving you the business, like, how do you begin to interact with that person? So, like a week, I have like a calm conversation, because I see that you're upset, I see that you're mad, especially within your approach towards me or even towards one of my staff members, because sometimes they won't go to the director, they'll go straight for the staff that the child has pointed out. So what are some of the do's and don'ts of having that conversation with the parent when they're in that state of high emotion?

Nathan: 9:25

Absolutely, I think, one right and typically understanding that it's not you. Don't take it personally, right? I think off that slide. This issue, your issue, is not with me right now. I am in charge of young people, right? So I get why you're addressing me with this attitude and the anger and frustration because maybe I may do the same thing. Right at the shoes were reversed. If I had a child in program and found out that they were being built in this specific class, something went off back to. Just don't take it personally. I think another thing is don't meet that person with that same hostility, anger and aggression. I think another thing to be mindful is to keep your surrounding right. Are you young people looking at you, right as?

J. Lee: 10:14

angry adult is coming toward you.

Nathan: 10:16

Are you young people watching what's going on? And not to say that if you're not watching, go ahead and give them a business right. Go ahead and respond with that anger and aggression, but to be mindful, because young people I think I've had this scenario where I've had an angry parent and I've had the one totally get the chair upset and frustrated, but I do have young people around. So I do need you to lower your voice, I do need you to calm down and understanding that again, this frustration is not for me, but young people are on this campus and young people are watching you as a adult, and because that also had turned into a situation where those young people went home and was like, angry parent, came up to the school site right and was custom in yelling, so making sure that you protect your young people. So I would say you know, don't meet that person, that same hostility, anger. Be mindful of your surroundings. That are your young people. And if you have, I would say me, I have tested Right so I can. There, I can take an angry parent coming at me, but if your person who was like, no, I can't, I can handle that, then I think you need to immediately say I apologize for you for what happened to your young person, because I think that's what, initially, parents want you to know that there's a problem, and then they also want to see if you, that you, care Right. So it's like off back, I apologize, that this happened to your young person shouldn't have happened. They shouldn't have been bullied Right and I'm going to support you. But I didn't need to calm down Like this is the issue with, not with me.

J. Lee: 11:52

Take a breath. Take a breath, please. But to go back to what you said, that there are not just children watching but there's other people watching, right? So, based on your reaction, you have to make sure that that individual, as a person on staff, they're not pulling you out of character, because at some point you might not be penalized for what that person said, but you'll always be penalized for how you reacted. So there's something that has to go through your mind as you're taking in all this energy and all this information that's coming at you all at once. That's coming at you all at once how to productively deal with that situation, but also as someone that's dealing with that, as a parent, like being in mind, like there's nothing wrong with you being upset. I'm completely saying like that you should not be upset, like I would not dare tell you anything like that, but also knowing that you're in an environment, that there's other people watching you as well. So it also reflects on how people may perceive not just you, but also your child. So, that's something to keep in mind, like, specifically, how you're reacting to each other. Go ahead, nathan. I feel like you have something to add.

Nathan: 13:11

Yeah, I definitely my will is returning because I want to also say that I think this goes back to the very beginning, when we talked about what is your policy After school? folks right put in your policy on building a building relationship, I think when you have a strong relationship with your parents and you know your adult, then your adults are left likely to come at you that way, like you said. You had mentioned that they typically will come directly at the line staff, right, that person who's in charge of the class per se. But they typically may not come to the director that way because they know that they have more authority. For example, like me, my adults knew, like, if you do come to my campus and you're acting like that, there's going to be consequences because I do have other adults and young people on campus and it's not OK. Right, and again, I totally get that you're fructating upset, but we also do have a responsibility to make sure that my staff, my young people, are safe at all times. Right, the people who may be it may be other parents who are just passing by as well, that they may see this confrontation. So that was something that I established in the beginning. Like, if you come on this campus acting crazy, right, we're just going to be consequence. I want to make sure that your young person safe and that all these other young people are safe as well.

J. Lee: 14:26

Right, and I goes back into that conversation of sitting boundaries, like what is allowed and what is not allowed for all the people involved. Right, I have in these conversations so we can have this conversation but know that there's a certain tone that has to be had and there is a certain level of reception that I need you to have. So if I'm telling you the details, I want to make sure that it's not going in one ear and out the other, right? I want to make sure that you're taking in the information that you're processing and that you're able to have a like a dialogue with me at the same time. Which leads me to my other question for you like in having those conversations? When do you know when to walk away from that conversation and get assistance, or redirect that conversation and redirect that person to someone else?

Nathan: 15:14

I think about. I think it really boils down to that person's self-awareness, right? That's why I love social learning, right. I'm impressed with what we do. I think it's about understanding that individual self-awareness in their capacity. Because I think when we think about the individual on the day, there may be a lot going on. So, depending on what day, I may be able to handle this angry parent, the next day I may not be able to handle that because of the severity of what I have going on around, the circumstances that are going on. So I think one is just being self-aware. It's like how am I doing today and do I have the capacity to deal with this parent? Because, again, if I'm supervising 20, 25 young people on the playground and the angry parent comes up and we're in the middle of a kickball game, I may not have the time to address this parent and to deal with them right, to be able to give them the respect and time that they deserve, not because I don't care, but because I got 24 of the young people right that I need to make sure are safe and that are engaged. So I think that, again, self-awareness, your social awareness, what's going on around you, I think that plays a big factor in how you respond and we should walk away right, or if you can even walk away because you may not be able to.

J. Lee: 16:27

Right, right, that is true, but we backed up against the wall. So when somebody helps somebody, helps me, help me. If you like what you hear so far, make sure that you subscribe and hit that like button. Did you know that social exclusion is a form of bullying? When someone or a group of people intentionally leave you out of an activity, conversation or something close to that nature To hurt your feelings, they are indirectly bullying you. Something to think about. Now let's get back to our show. So in having that conversation let's say that conversation has been had there's some reassurances that you want to give that parent, but also dive a little bit deeper into the conflict to see what actually happened. How do you think or how would you suggest that process should go about or how should it look?

Nathan: 17:24

So absolutely. And what I loved about when I went through my Ovea's training, one thing that they talked about was there's some of the things so Ovea's is a bullying prevention curriculum. Ovea's does a lot of training for school districts world-renowned organizations that focuses on bullying prevention. One of the things that they talked about during our training was on-the-spot interventions when you see bullying, a follow-up conversation when you're dealing with bullying and we're addressing parents. One of the things that they talked about was making sure that parents understand that there will be consequences for young people who have been bullied right or who was doing the bullying, but also very clear that you cannot deal. You know you cannot share what those consequences may be. So, understanding that, letting them know. I understand that you're child was bullied, but I can also assure you that we will address the bullying and make sure that it doesn't happen again and there will be consequences. You don't have to share what those consequences will be, but as a parent, I do want to know that something's being done so you can assure them that, hey, there will be consequences for this behavior and we're going to address this and then also setting a time to follow up, right. So it's like now I've addressed the bullying. Let's say, a week has gone by. Hey, now I'm calling to let you know that there were consequences for that young person who was bullying your child. But I want to follow up, want to check in, to let you know that something was done, also to see how you're doing right, to see how your young person's doing and to make sure that they're not having any other additional information that maybe wasn't shared from the beginning. And I think the other thing that I didn't know before I'm going through this training was defining bullying right, like what are the forms? Right, physical, there may be bullying when it comes to cyberbullying, sexual bullying. Right, there's these different types of forms of bullying that may take place, but I think that's the requirement. I've also had parents who share that my kid's been bullied and then we get back to where those kids are going back and forth, where it's like that's not bullying, that's stealing, right. These kids are going back and forth and maybe that last person got caught sharing something, right. So it's like I got caught saying something got loud, but we were going back and forth, so now they're bullying me. They were very clear that going back to it again has just been identified and defined as actual bullying. So I think that's another clear point or distinction that needs to be made. It's like is that young person being bullied? Is that imbalance in power? Is it happening consistently throughout program? Because sometimes we can just say, oh, this is bullying. And it's like well, this is the first time I'm hearing about it, right.

J. Lee: 20:13

Right, that's how I went home and told you. But they was here all day, all day and, based on what we see right and based on what we've seen in their interactions, like everything was fine, we didn't have a peep or a clue. But now they're being bullied and is being addressed by the parent, but we've never got wind of that information based on the child advocating for themselves.

Nathan: 20:38

Absolutely, and I think that goes into another component of a program, right, what is your program coaching? So one of the things that we did in our program was we had a sibling that defined bullying right, this is what bullying. And we did some role-playing and we did some skits, and so young people were able to see this is bullying, this is teasing, this is bullying, this is play-fighting right. And then it was also good for young people to see and also for adults to see, and I'm going to share with anybody, right, when you watch this, when you define bullying on a programmatic level, right, where staff understand what it is, young people understand what it is, you initially are going to have a lot of cases of bullying, but now young people understand and know what it is or what it's not. So you're going to get like this is what I'm being bullied, right, because this kid keeps talking about me and I'm not saying anything bad. I don't feel like I can defend myself, right, there's this imbalance of power. So I think also, as we empower and educate people, we also will see this increase in like, why does it seem like there's so much bullying going on? And that's because, also, like, folks now understand what it is.

J. Lee: 21:45

That is true, that is true. So my follow-up question to that is once you know all the different types of you know. This is bullying, this is teasing, this is play fighting, which is a still a complete little. No, because you tapped somebody wrong one time.

Nathan: 22:02

Next.

J. Lee: 22:03

Thing you know we out in the street somewhere.

Nathan: 22:07

It's a whole riddle's rap.

J. Lee: 22:08

It's a whole riddle's rap. We outside fighting like we've turned it down in the parking lot. No. That's not what we try to do but in going through, like the different types of, you know, differentiating between bullying and what this other thing may be like, what are some of the protocols that's important for programs to put in place outside of the? You know, we've had a conversation about it, we've been modeled it for you. So when we start to see the sneak up, especially when it comes to youth making, like small groups and like, we say, cliques, like how do we begin to make sure that we are being pre proactive instead of reactive to those situations?

Nathan: 22:53

Absolutely so. One of the things that I liked that during our training was we had to do some role play. So during our role playing, you would have the bully, the victim and then the bystanders. Right, we simply had set up so as the go right as an administrator director, right after school coordinator, my role is to intervene, so we would have our on the spot intervention. So when I see this is how they would train us to intervene in bullying one, you want to address the behavior Like I just see you flap this person or punch this person, whatever it is, you address that, that bullying behavior. In addition to that, you want to support the victim, like I saw what just happened. Are you okay? Another thing that I thought was interesting about this training was you also address the bystanders. I see you are watching and encouraging. This behavior is not okay. Right, there will be consequences for this. In addition to this, what they share with us is that you don't ever try to force an apology right then and there. And I was like that is good, because you have those young people who are going to say I'm not apologizing, no, right, we're going to challenge your authority right then and there, on the spot. So now you're in a dilemma. You have this victim, this poor victim, who's just been bullied in front of all these bystanders, and now you're challenging this bully's behavior right in front of all these people. Now you're challenging their street creative, you will, right. So now what we need to do is what they talked about was you just let them know like I'm going to address the bully. I just the victim, I just the bystanders. Then you also, if the victim is okay, right, if you can, you can find another classmate or peer to maybe walk them to your office or walk them to their class, but you address that victim, you take the bully with you and we're going to call home. But it's the steps that we may have set in place to address this behavior, but there's clear consequences. This again let's the bystanders know that there was immediate consequence. That is not tolerated, unless the victim know that we're not going to allow them to be bullied during program. I thought that this is interesting because one of the things that they shared is that, simply, what happens is the bully addresses the victim, the victim is not addressed. We grabbed that bully and we said come on, come with me. Not, okay, right, come with me to my office. This victim was never supported. This victim feels lonely, feels scared. So how do we make sure that we support and address this behavior? So we identify the bullying behavior, we pull that bully with us. But we're also going to follow up with that victim after they get supported to that classroom, to the office, right, and then what we do is we will follow up. So we follow up. Let's say, a day, two days later we talk to the victim hey, I want to make sure that you're good. Has anything else happened since that time? This also shared with the victim to let them know that we don't tolerate this type of behavior and it's okay to not be okay, and that I have to get back because too often within the educational space it's typically the young people who have all the disciplinary issues. They were spending a lot of time right, they were spending a lot of time with and people who young people who do what they need to do feel neglected. It's like I show up every single day. I'll never problem. I do my homework, I participate in the activities. I never get supported. Right, it's typically the folks who are showing this negative behavior. So in this process and this approach, I thought there was one profound. But then also interesting is that we address everybody involved and we let them know that it's not going to. We also follow up with the bully as well, right, as we're supporting them, because the goal is not to eliminate bullying, because you know bullies. Sometimes we have those policies where zero tolerance for bullying. And what do we do? We just get suspended. You're kicked out. That doesn't change that young person's behavior, that they just maybe in the streets bullying somebody. Right, that they joined the game and now they got, maybe a gun and they bullying somebody. But this process allows us to go deeper and to follow up and to also figure out there may be a need to stop being met within this bully right. And then also with the victims as well. And then we follow with the bison is like, if I catch all of you doing that again, that behavior again, there's going to be consequences for you as well, because that's encouraging the behavior. And when young people know you talk about boundaries, when young people know it's not okay, they typically are going to do the right thing, right, we model that for them. So that's the approach that we shared and I thought that it was very interesting and it's always funny because we would share. I would have my staff do the same thing to kick off the year. We're doing a lot of role playing and for some of them I would have those difficult, right, those difficult scenarios. But the young person said I'm not apologizing, right, because adults, we want to fix it, say sorry, right, and then think about this. The other thing they share was think about you have a victim right who's being bullied, and they're sitting there scared and each other bully, apologize right now, and they look over at the victim who they just bullied and they're like, scared, and you're like, and they're like no, now this victim feels, oh, now I'm really not saying right, right, my decent cut. You know you ain't got no authority, no power. Now you just and you've made the situation works for me, because now the bully looking at like you're going to try to put me and also, if we think about it, you yourself have become a bully. You are trying to force this young person into apologizing. No, this is not going to be genuine, it's not going to be remorseful. Right, you're trying to bully this person. It's the same story. No, we don't want to do that Right, we want to get to the bottom of the issue. So hopefully that answers how they could approach the scenario.

J. Lee: 29:02

Right, right, it answers a whole lot. It answers a whole lot. So this is real good, but as we're getting into this conversation, I know that we need to go ahead and take a break. So, everybody, give us a moment, give us five to ten minutes, go ahead, stretch your legs, go to the bathroom get your snacks, you know do what you do. Come back in a couple of minutes and you know we're going to finish this conversation. Hope that you're enjoying what you're hearing so far, so give us a minute and we will be right back. Are you a program director or thinking of starting a program? Maybe you need new curriculum that focuses on character development or technical skills. Maybe you need help establishing effective program logistics to have an impactful program culture or, overall, you just need a program evaluation. Well, school after hours, consulting kids here to help. Contact us at SAHconsultingorg and our contact information is in the show notes. Hope to hear from you soon. Hello, wonderful, beautiful people, welcome back. Welcome back to the show. We have Mr Nathan Houston here. I am impact. We are sitting here talking about dealing with conflict when it comes to parents and bullying with children. So we dive into a lot of things, a good portion of stuff. So where we left off was like supporting the child, that the victim, and then following up with them. But in the second part I want us to go ahead and talk about how do we begin to address the behavior of the bully. Like was mentioned before in the conversation, there might be a need that the child is not getting met. So how do we begin to get to the bottom of what that child may need to begin to reverse this behavior. So, nathan, let's go ahead and start there. So we've touched on how we can be supportive to the child that is doing all the things possible but is having this encounter with negativity. Right, and let them know that we've seen them, we've heard them. We're doing audio deals just to make sure that they are still feeling safe in this environment and that they want to participate. But they are being reassured that you know we're handling it like we got you Okay.

Nathan: 31:04

I feel, like that.

J. Lee: 31:05

We are not here to support you. Like we got you, we're going to deal with this. So, in the other side of the fence, how do we begin to deal with the behavior of the child that is potentially doing the bullying? Because, like you said, there may be a need for that child that's not being met?

Nathan: 31:19

Absolutely. I think. I truly believe that one of the most underutilized tools is intentional dialogue, having conversation with a young person, building a formal, strong relationship with this young person, right, who may be a difficult young person, they may be challenging to deal with, and I think the start would be forming that relationship and building trust so that that young person will feel comfortable, right, because we think about addressing the unmet need. I may not feel comfortable sharing with you that unmet need because I don't know you right, and maybe my first encounter may be this, this encounter where you're addressing me and dealing with my negative behavior. And so now it's like, typically in these roles the adult will suspend, right, or just deal out of consequence and not address the actual behavior and support them through that and helping them to see, like, the why behind the motive, what was the motive in you bullying this other person. So I think that forming a relationship with this young person would be ideal so that this young person feel more comfortable and safe around you and then being able to peel back that layer or layers right with that young person on it, like, hey, I noticed that you know, maybe they may have a father, says, I noticed that you have a history of, you know, bullying young kids or bullying your peers. They can start there. It starts with a relationship and some intentional dialogue. What I do know is when young people feel supported, when young people know that you care, they began to let down their guard and was shared. I've had young people with those tough, you know shells low, I'm hard, I'm not talking to nobody, no, I'm just an eight to spend me, right, send me home. But then I realized once we, as I, built that relationship and not holding and I think this is a. I want to pause and note this young people are bigger than their actions, right? And I think that those incidents don't define those young people and too often in our educational spaces, whether after school or during the day, we will allow these negative experiences to define young people and put them in a box. That's a challenging young person and let's be very honest, some of these young folks may be that kid who gives you a headache. They may be that headache, right, but they do have the potential to be more than that If we help them to get to that place where they're no longer that headache child. So I think that it starts with a relationship, a positive relationship, in addition to addressing that negative behavior.

J. Lee: 33:52

I know that's right. So in that process of dealing with their behavior, you've done all the things. You everyone feels supported on both sides. When do you feel like it's appropriate time to have a sit down with the parents and we all come to the table and have a conversation about next steps and what needs to be done?

Nathan: 34:07

Absolutely has that parent calm down. Like you know, having that conversation that follow with that angry parent, like hey, like are you ready? Like do you need a moment? I think that I've had. I have done some, some groups where adults have come into space, and I have done it without the young people there, because I feel like in my experience, young people can, like they have short term memory, like they can get over things. If you're like, yeah, I was doing that, I'm not doing that, I'm trying to play kickball now, I feel like the adults, right, the older we get, we tend to hold on to stuff a little bit more. And so I've had the conversation with the adults one on a one on one basis first, like interviewing, having the follow up conversations, and what I will say is that, typically with the, the bullying parent, I've had to see that there's some layers there, right, if I'm honest, that there's some learned behavior, that this young person is sometimes just doing what they see their parents do, and so having to also now mentor and guide this adult and let, giving them alternative on how to deal with difficult situations, right as from a parent perspective, and to letting them know how to navigate the school system, that if you come into this space, nobody wants to hear you when you just yelling and angry and cussing everybody out, right, because then you get labeled as that difficult parent, right, that angry parent that nobody wants to deal with. And so I think it also again, but through building a relationship, you're able to then help them navigate right the school system, right the program system, so that they feel comfortable and empowered to be able to feel safe in coming to you and saying hey, I need help, right. Yeah, jonathan has been turned up, he has been bullying young people. I don't know what to do. Right, and that's what I've seen happen. You truly do care and you do, and you build that trust with parents. Parents will let their gardeners will let you know like hey, I need support. Right, I don't know how to address that behavior. So I think that's how it starts and building that relationship with the parents. And once you feel comfortable and you feel like they can deal, they can come into space together and have that conversation. I think it's all. I think it's worth it, because the long term goal, right, it's community. You want all your parents, right, and staff to feel safe in space together, Not just some of them, all of them.

J. Lee: 36:24

Right right. Exactly Well, this is a good time to go ahead and lean jump skip to our professionals lounge.

Nathan: 36:34

That's good.

J. Lee: 36:37

Professionals lounge is a segment of the show that allows guests to share advice with other practitioners in the OST and youth development field about how they can begin growing their gifts and talents but also develop themselves as professionals in the field. Here's our professionals lounge conversation. All right, y'all? This is our professional lounge section of the show. So, for our professionals lounge, this is my question for you, nathan. With all this experience and all that we've had the conversation between dealing with parent, child and bullying and also being supportive like how can we help both parent, student and staff move toward the healing that needs to take place after having this encounter?

Nathan: 37:21

Love that question, I love it, right, I think it's necessary. So one I think it's building those relates, individual relationships, right, first, initially building all those relationships and then, as we just talked about, moving in towards a collective healing process. I think it starts with relationship. We don't know, or we can't move towards healing as a group, right, or as a program, until we have relationship with one another to be able to address those behaviors. And so I think that one of the things through having conversation, right, doing check-ins, how are you doing? And I think, and I want to, I want to plug the professionals in the afterschool space as well One of the biggest things in building relationship is speaking to your parents, even if those parents don't have young people in your class. Speaking to all the adults who walk into your campus. How are you doing? Hello, right, greeting them, because I always used to tell my staff that we don't know what our adults are, what are adults are coming from, what environment, right, whether it's they're leaving work or they're leaving their home. And just to have a conversation sometimes. And speaking to parents, it provided opportunity where parents will have a venting session where they would say, oh yeah, today at work, the long day. My supervisor is getting on my nerves. I got to go home and cook dinner, right. I just got the school called me earlier instead of my, so understanding that this may not even be the time for me to address right Something that I need to address. It's like giving this parent the opportunity to be able to invent and to share and building space and building connection with them. So I think, in order to work toward healing, we need to have conversation and then, as we build through conversation and building relationship, as parents begin to let down their guard, staff begin to let down their guard, asking them the question you know, what do you need from me? I think, as a supervisor, it's my role to figure out, to ask the question what do you need from me? When we talk about healing and when I say healing, I want to define this as that putting things as right as possible. Right, not making things perfect, but in order for the staff to heal and order for the adult to heal, the young people who were involved, both the bully and the victim, we all need to help to work towards making things as right as possible and we only could do that through conversation to figure out what all parties need, and so there's not like a one shoe fits all, because what you need may be different from what I need, and so I think that it starts with through the conversation, and so I just wanted to put that within context. When I say healing, I'm talking about putting things as right as possible for all parties involved.

J. Lee: 40:07

I think that's it. I think we have. We nailed it. This is great. Sorry, everybody, we're going to wrap up the show and call it a day. Thank you for joining us. Mr Nathan, enjoy having you If you are doing anything. How would people want to find you if they wanted to see you out for your service? If you want to see you out for your services of training staff or doing your I am impact or a that's coming up in the school year, so how do people get in touch with you if they want to book your services?

Nathan: 40:37

Absolutely, so they can go to Nathan and Houstoncom. Or if you're on Instagram, you can follow me at I underscore and impact, or I could just drop my email, which is I'm impact, the number seven at gmailcom, where we focus again at I am impact, social and emotional learning and restorative justice, and then I also am a keynote speaker. So if you want me to come in and inspire your staff and get them fired up about the school year or about the work that you all are doing in your organization, hit me up.

J. Lee: 41:08

All right, well, thank you, sir, for taking the time to be with us and have these conversations. As always, whenever you want to come back and talk, or more than welcome, sir.

Nathan: 41:17

Thank you was my pleasure.

J. Lee: 41:22

Well, everyone, that brings us to the end of our show. If you like what you heard and you enjoyed our conversation, make sure that you're following us on YouTube, but also hit that like button so we know what you're enjoying. You can also find us on other podcast platforms like Apple Podcasts, spotify and Google Podcasts. If you want to listen to our audio version as well, to get more behind the scenes stuff, make sure that you're following us on our social media accounts Instagram and Facebook, at school after hours. Well, that's all I have for today. In the words of Mr Arthur Ashe, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can. Until next time, y'all, bye, bye.